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How To Cause Environmental Pollution: A Step-By-Step Primer
from:All right, enough of this hippy-dippy nonsense. It's time to stop talking about how to solve the problems of environmental pollution, a phenomenon that, according to recent reports from the World Health Organization and the World Bank, is responsible for the death of one in five people around the world every year. That's just not fast enough! If all of us work together, we can help to cause environmental pollution to the point where we can shave entire decades, even centuries off of the lifetime of human beings on this planet. So let's get started!
Step #1: Increase Your Carbon Footprint.
Your carbon footprint is the amount of carbon dioxide gas that you release into the environment every day, just by virtue of existing. Since carbon dioxide gas in the atmosphere is the single biggest cause of global warming through the greenhouse effect, a positive carbon footprint means that you're releasing more carbon into the atmosphere than the environment can compensate for through natural means. In the United States, one household uses up an average of 19 metric tons of carbon gas every year, gas that remains trapped in the sky, slowly heating up the planet, melting the polar ice caps, and making the world hotter and harder to live in every moment.
You can do far better than that! If you're carpooling or biking to work, stop immediately and buy an SUV. Buy one for every member of your family. Drive everywhere you go, even to your next-door neighbor's house: why should you take any responsibility for the environment? Are we trying to cause environmental pollution here or aren't we?
Step #2: Consume, Consume, Consume.
Plastic is one of the most common materials used in consumer goods, and one of the most difficult to create. To create a plastic housing, to package it, and to ship it to a store near you costs massive amounts of petroleum, earthly riches that can never be renewed in your lifetime. Increase the rate of petroleum consumption by buying as much as you can--the more worthless the product, the better! Buy so much that the store runs out of inventory and has to order more. Manufacturing will go up and fossil fuels will go down! As a bonus, more waste products will be dumped into the water and air--now that's how to cause environmental pollution!
Step #3: Ignore All Advice Contrary To This Guide.
If lawmakers in the United States can do it, so can you! Any piece of information you can get--information about exactly how deadly environmental pollution is, exactly why we need to care about it, and exactly why we need to take action today in our daily lives to stop environmental pollution--is going to slow you down in your goal, which is to cause environmental pollution. So stop reading and learning--right now!
Stop learning! That's the best way, after all, to cause environmental pollution.
Environmental Pollution News
Port Authority Offers Help to Replace Pollution-Spewing Trucks - WNYC
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Hong Kong Air Pollution Levels Prompt Officials To Issue Warnings - AHN | All Headline News
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KZN air pollution to be controlled - Independent Online
KZN air pollution to be controlled Independent Online ... Lydia Johnson, said a phased programme of environmental audits was being carried out at industries with high levels of pollution. ... |
Pollution commission gives its support to borough's chimney smoke ordinance - Fairbanks Daily News-Miner
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Summer will be test of air quality compliance - Augusta Chronicle
Summer will be test of air quality compliance Augusta Chronicle The tightening of the federal rules will also encourage better local efforts to reduce air pollution, Johnston said Thursday during a meeting of the CSRA ... Pak-EPA DG floats idea of ring road to keep capital green Air News Release (HQ): US Makes Progress Toward Cleaner Air Don't Let Lawmakers Undermine the Clean Air Act: It Saves Hundreds of ... |
Air Quality Bad for 40 Percent of Americans - Courthouse News Service
 TopNews United States | Air Quality Bad for 40 Percent of Americans Courthouse News Service WASHINGTON (CN) - Despite drastic cuts in air pollution, more than 40 percent of Americans still live in areas with unacceptable air quality, according to ... Poor Air Quality Reported to be “Good” by National Environment Agency US Makes Progress Toward Cleaner Air: National trends show improvements in the ... There's no way the air is 'good' |
Students to help West Chester businesses save energy, money and cut pollution - U.S. EPA.gov (press release)
 Earthtimes (press release) | Students to help West Chester businesses save energy, money and cut pollution U.S. EPA.gov (press release) PHILADELPHIA (March 11, 2010) In a ceremony today, the US Environmental Protection Agency awarded a $149992 grant to the West Chester Area School District ... White House finalizing rules to cut car emissions The Clean Air Senate Showdown EPA Head Sells Economic Plus of Climate Control |